Popsicles

The Perfect Present

When I was pregnant I keenly observed little kid's personalities in a way I never had before. I noticed there were needy children who couldn't bear to be separated from their parents, incessantly active children with infinite energy reserves, self-contained children that were content to gaze at the world and ruminate on the meaning of life, and countless other personalities. As I balanced my growing belly, I'd speculate about the little life growing inside me. What kind of a little child would he be? Would he be gentle and mild, outgoing and uncontrollable, smart and funny? I prayed that heaven would bless me with a healthy baby and felt comforted that the child we would receive would be perfect for our family.

E was born and after we got his acid-reflux under control (how I don't miss 4 hours of walking with my infant through non-stop screaming) his little personality began to emerge. He's smiley, funny, strong-willed at times, incredibly verbal, pretty uncoordinated, independent when we're in public, dependent when we're home, and perfect for our family. He's really set the tone for our family. At times he's a challenge that draws on all my reserves of patience and ingenuity, but more often he's making my heart laugh with joy.

This past week was my 25th birthday and I spent the day soaking in the blessings around me. E spent the day entertaining me with various renditions of the birthday song remixed with other children's songs he knows and, of course, gracefully choreographed. I couldn't help but gaze at his little face and see both his goodness and all the ways that he reminds me of his dad. Those two boys bring me more happiness than I knew was possible. They are the perfect present and, lucky me, I get them all year round.

(We captured one of E's birthday song remixes to share with you. For all of you who'd like to sing along, I've provided the lyrics below.)

To you birthday from me, from me.
FALL DOWN!
Happy birthday, happy birthday.
Bloo-yeah-too, Bloo-yeah-too.
FALL DOWN!

Graduation Days

It's finally starting to feel like we're actually done with school. When Travis finished all his course work back in December I reminded him that he had to attend graduation. No questions about it. Of course, Travis questioned it and didn't really understand why he had to go, especially considering the fact that you have to pay money to rent the oh-so-flattering graduation robe. I said something sage like, "After three years of Masters classes you deserve the moment of glory, etc." and he obliged.

When I was plowing through my final classes I kept looking forward to my moment of glory too. But after I took my last final in the beginning of April I checked out of school mode completely. Suddenly, there was nothing I could care less about then convocation. I wanted to move on with my life. I certainly never admitted these emotions to Travis because I knew he'd:
A. Be all too happy that I shared the feeling after I lectured on the importance of graduation ceremonies.
B. Try to convince me to not go to graduation, an argument I feared I might agree with
With my true feelings tucked quietly inside, we marched forward and eventually across the stages to accept our degrees.

Truth to be told, it was pretty anticlimactic for me. I'd been away from BYU for so long that I felt like an impostor on campus and only knew six people in my graduating class. Plus, my college didn't even have a reception afterward sending the message that my degree wasn't even important to them. The last BYU graduation I attended was that of my brother and sister-in-law and, to me, they seemed to know everyone, there was scrumptious congratulatory fare provided, and everyone in my family basked in the merriment. Mine, not so much.

There's a moral to my story. I think I got so caught up in the dream of hearty congratulations and hoopla that I lost sight of the fact that the real celebration should be inside me. Graduating from college was a big accomplishment for myself and that is enough. It's not about what other people think or say, it's about making myself happy and I did that.

My niece, Maui, and me harnessing our inner cougars.

Me and my sister sharing a crazy hug.

My momma, me, T, and T's parents.

This picture says it all. E could have cared less than to have been in any pictures that day. Consequently, he really isn't in any of them, excepting this keeper.

Me and T with the "Y" in the background.

On the other hand, Travis' graduation was a hugely proud moment for me. Even though it took us a while to figure out his funny robe and stole, he looked so accomplished in his finery that his, and consequently our, schooling felt final. I'm glad he went forward with attending his convocation, even if it was only for me.

It should also be mentioned that Travis' college threw a wickedly delicious reception (roasted red pepper hummus and fresh pitas anyone?) in the U's nicest restaurant, he got to keep his graduation robes, and they gave him a fancy pewter paper weight as a present. Granted we've never even used a paper weight, but should we ever need one we have a first rate specimen at our disposal.

Super T. Seriously, he's super!

T sat on the cushy chairs on the floor with the other College of Engineering PhDs and Masters and the Bachelors filled two rows of side bleachers. They slowly read the name of all the floor sitters, but for the Bachelors' graduation they set-up two tables and had two readers tag team the calling of the names. It felt like Motor Mouth Mike was emceeing.

So proud of my honey.

T and his parents.
(My mom was there too, but I just realized that we failed to get a picture of all of us.)

Both of us in robes at BYU.

Opposites: Happy, Sad

This week was different and exciting for so many reasons, but mostly because studying was no where on the agenda. I worked out, baked lots of bread, made new delicious recipes, played with E a lot and even went on a field trip with E and our friends V, K, and K. We went to the new children's museum in Ogden and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It's funded by a non-profit arts society and is essentially a no holds barred indoor play arena. There are various themed play rooms set up, such as trains, gardening, the kitchen, the tea room, the sushi room, dinosaurs, Utah history, etc. Each area has wonderful, high-quality toys, exploratory props, books that correlate to the theme, and absolutely no play restrictions whatsoever. It's basically a Utah mom's wintertime haven. We really loved it until a large group of school children came and some were yelling at E while he played near them, resulting in an ornery E and a frustrated me. I don't really like big crowds, especially of crazy children without parents, so we left not too long thereafter.

E trying to find the fish on his laminated card.

Gleeful expression after the arch of numbers was knocked down.

Contemplating a future career. That's Mr. President to you.

Naturally, playing with the trains.

Then the weekend came and Travis and I did yard work, cleaned the garage, cleaned the cars, and went to Baby Animal Days in Logan. Baby Animal Days occurs one weekend out of the year and a bunch of farmers bring their young animals to the American West Heritage Center and let the community bask in their cuteness. We went with our friends and had a lot of fun until the crowds got larger and T and I bailed. (I'm noticing a pattern.)

E was climbing up the fence post to look at the ram and then he started to jump in.
Don't worry, his suicide attempt was prevented.

Are you chicken? As a matter of fact, I am!

E wouldn't pet the baby goat, but when T asked, "Can you give him a kiss?" he quickly obliged.

Meeting the mini horses in the open petting zoo.

Me showing E and K it was okay to touch the animals in the petting zoo.

Cutest calf ever!

K and the obese rabbit that doesn't move.

My favorite picture. T and E holding a delicate bunny.

My week was only getting better as we drove down to my eldest brother's home to celebrate his birthday with all my family that lives in Utah. Right as we exited the freeway my mom called with the bad news. My sister was diagnosed with a staph infection almost a month ago and after the hospital made an error producing her culture, they put a PIC line in her and prescribed their strongest antibiotic. Her swelling went down and then five days ago they removed the PIC line. However, on Saturday her swelling returned and by Sunday morning she was in the ER with swelling and blisters all over her body. She's been transferred to a specialized hospital's burn unit and we're awaiting test results to find out what exactly is happening.

My mind has been going nonstop and is filled with unanswerable questions. My sister is the world's most service oriented person and would do absolutely anything for anyone. I can't even begin to count the number of times she's been there to cheer me up, cheer me on, or perform an outrageous favor I wouldn't ask of anyone else. Several times I've watched her swoop in and alleviate someone's worries and I've marveled and thought to myself how I wish I could do the same for her. Now a time has come when she needs help more than anyone else and I feel powerless. All I can really do is pray and hope and pray some more. Please pray for my sister and her family. I know she has heaven and angels fighting for her and will appreciate all the prayers you send her way.

New Beginnings

I've pondered how to begin this post for quite some time now. On days when I was overwhelmed with life I'd envision right where I am today and begin writing in my head about how today would feel. What would I do on today? Would it be noticeably different from any other day? Now, today is here and I have concluded that it is different. Gloriously, wonderfully, sumptuously different.

Last Friday I took my very last test of college. I'm done. Finito. Graduated. It looks odd to write that so I'm going to do it again. Graduated. I presume that graduating isn't as large of an accomplishment to some people as it was to me, but I truly had to fight for it. When I started college I was completely terrified and literally sick to my stomach. I was sure that I would walk into my first class and find all my peers were members of Mensa and I would shortly be revealed as grossly lacking the intellect required to succeed. Through much prayer and faith I worked up the courage to trepidly attend my first class. When it came time for my first test, I threw up all morning. My fear of being woefully inadequate paralyzed me. I kept trying my best and when I began receiving my grades I saw that not only was I succeeding, I was excelling. It shocked me more than it could have anyone else. Through each test, assignment, paper, and class I learned more and gained more confidence in myself. Yet, at the beginning of each semester, I'd still fight my fear that the upcoming classes would manifest my nescience.

When I met T, I was about to begin my first semester at BYU. I'd completed 3 semesters at BYU-I and had just returned from my European study abroad. By then I'd gained more confidence in my intellect, but I desperately wanted, even needed, to finish my schooling to prove to myself I could do it. I fought the same fears and found the same success at BYU. When T and I got married I knew it would upset my education, but T supported me whole-heartedly and I loved him more than anything. I knew that together we could do anything.

It took two changes of my major, three years of independent study classes, four months away from T while E and I were at BYU, and one year of class at USU to finish. It was hard. We had a baby, bought and remodeled a home, and put T through graduate school in the midst of it. There were infinite times I felt discouraged and exhausted. But through prayer and faith and the aid of countless physical and spiritual angels I was enabled to do it.

Today I woke up early and went running. I read my scriptures, showered and made the bed before E even woke up. E and I ate breakfast, went to the library, ran errands, read books, played the piano, ate lunch, and did laundry before he took his nap. Now he's sleeping and for the first time in his life I'm not doing homework during his nap. Best of all, throughout the whole day I've been pinching myself to think that this is my reality.

Graduating didn't change my worth at all, nor did it alone prove that I'm a smart, capable person. There are scores of people that are brilliant and successful that never go to or complete college. Likewise, there are innumerable people who graduate from college and really aren't any more intelligent than an earthworm. But fighting for it and finishing it proved a lot to me about me and that made every hour, dollar, tear, and stress worth it.

At the Eiffel on my study abroad.
I would meet T in 4 months.

With my wonderful family at Christmas time.
I would graduate in 4 months.