Last Friday I took my very last test of college. I'm done. Finito. Graduated. It looks odd to write that so I'm going to do it again. Graduated. I presume that graduating isn't as large of an accomplishment to some people as it was to me, but I truly had to fight for it. When I started college I was completely terrified and literally sick to my stomach. I was sure that I would walk into my first class and find all my peers were members of Mensa and I would shortly be revealed as grossly lacking the intellect required to succeed. Through much prayer and faith I worked up the courage to trepidly attend my first class. When it came time for my first test, I threw up all morning. My fear of being woefully inadequate paralyzed me. I kept trying my best and when I began receiving my grades I saw that not only was I succeeding, I was excelling. It shocked me more than it could have anyone else. Through each test, assignment, paper, and class I learned more and gained more confidence in myself. Yet, at the beginning of each semester, I'd still fight my fear that the upcoming classes would manifest my nescience.
When I met T, I was about to begin my first semester at BYU. I'd completed 3 semesters at BYU-I and had just returned from my European study abroad. By then I'd gained more confidence in my intellect, but I desperately wanted, even needed, to finish my schooling to prove to myself I could do it. I fought the same fears and found the same success at BYU. When T and I got married I knew it would upset my education, but T supported me whole-heartedly and I loved him more than anything. I knew that together we could do anything.
It took two changes of my major, three years of independent study classes, four months away from T while E and I were at BYU, and one year of class at USU to finish. It was hard. We had a baby, bought and remodeled a home, and put T through graduate school in the midst of it. There were infinite times I felt discouraged and exhausted. But through prayer and faith and the aid of countless physical and spiritual angels I was enabled to do it.
Today I woke up early and went running. I read my scriptures, showered and made the bed before E even woke up. E and I ate breakfast, went to the library, ran errands, read books, played the piano, ate lunch, and did laundry before he took his nap. Now he's sleeping and for the first time in his life I'm not doing homework during his nap. Best of all, throughout the whole day I've been pinching myself to think that this is my reality.
Graduating didn't change my worth at all, nor did it alone prove that I'm a smart, capable person. There are scores of people that are brilliant and successful that never go to or complete college. Likewise, there are innumerable people who graduate from college and really aren't any more intelligent than an earthworm. But fighting for it and finishing it proved a lot to me about me and that made every hour, dollar, tear, and stress worth it.
At the Eiffel on my study abroad.
I would meet T in 4 months.
With my wonderful family at Christmas time.
I would graduate in 4 months.
